“According to the symbolic interactionist perspective, the self is a process” (Rohall, Milkie, & Lucas, 2014).
This means that we continually take in the information around us such as to the perceived opinion of others about who they think we are. Do they seem to think we are cool, uncool, funny, not so much? Their subtle reactions to us are unconsciously taken in and weighed against previous experience to help form our sense of self or our identity. This is true for us all even our children and teens.
Thinking more about teens, it really gives new insight into teen behavior and sense of self. This really helps us to understand their difficulty in finding an identity. Not only do teens try out different personas, but they are trying to determine whether they are a good or bad person.
Teens are meeting new people as they head into middle school and then high school. Whichever group seems to accept them, will likely be the identity they choose for this time in their life. Imagine a teen girl who wants to be part of the prep crowd. She will attempt to look and act like the prep crowd. If accepted she will continue to see herself as a prep. But if she is unaccepted, she will likely look for a new group to identify with.
Even though other teens play a large role in who they choose to be, we as parents and family members still play a pivotal role in how they perceive themselves. They are still looking to us for affirmation that they are good people. Our role is to always see our children in the best light. We need to be careful to separate their behavior from who they are. They are going to make some bad choices but this does not make them bad people. Look for the good and reflect it back to them. Let’s always reflect love and acceptance so they can love and accept themselves.
Reference:
Rohall, D. E., Milkie, M. A., & Lucas, J. W. (2014). Social psychology: Sociological perspectives. Boston: Pearson Education.
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Published by Parenting For Good Mental Health
Hello,
My name is Tricia. I am the proud mom of two amazing young men.
My youngest son was always a very energetic and highly reactive child. Life with him was often like a roller coaster ride. He had to work very hard to learn how to manage his emotions and behaviors. By the time he turned 10, he had learned to manage them fairly well. But one night while watching the movie The Mummy, his anxiety was triggered. Night after night, he just could not get the scary images out of his head. This went on for almost a year where he would cry in bed at night. Nothing we tried seemed to help. So we decided to take him to see a psychiatrist where he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, and bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately, the care and medications that he received from various professionals did not really help. By educating myself, I began to learn that there were many more options that had not been provided or suggested. I believe that had I had more information sooner; his care could have been better tailored to his needs. This was a very difficult time not only for my son but for our entire family. We had to develop new ways of interacting that did not cause fights over the littlest things. We had to learn the hard way what not to do in a crisis. My husband had to learn that you don’t have to have a reason to be depressed or anxious. Sometimes you just are. And that it is not helpful to say to a depressed person, that they have no reason to be depressed. Having never experienced these feelings himself, my husband really struggled with understanding these things. But now that he gets it, he wishes he would have understood sooner so he could have been more supportive to our son in the beginning.
Thankfully, our son has found his own way through the darkness. And he has developed some skills and tools for managing his mental illness. His path could have been easier and less painful for him had we known about these other options sooner.
As parents and caregivers we need to educate ourselves on their illnesses and the evidence based care options that are out there. We have a limited number of clinicians that treat children and teens, so we sometimes only get to see them once a month. What kind of impact do you think you could have on your child if you only saw him once a month? We need to bring as much to the table as possible. The clinicians can only work with the information they are given. The more you can tell them the better they will be able to tailor your child’s care to his needs. We also need to know how to be the parents our child needs because what works for other kids does not always work for ours.
I would like to help educate others so that their path to recovery might be made shorter. There is a lot of support out there, but sometimes we do not hear about it. NAMI is the first support that I will recommend.
NAMI the National Alliance on Mental Illness is the largest grassroots mental health organization in America. Through NAMI you will find support and education that can help you to better facilitate the care your child needs. https://www.nami.org/
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