Finding the right people to include in your child’s care and support team can be like getting central air in the dead heat of an Arizona summer. These people can bring some much-needed air for you and your child to be able to breathe again. There were many decisions that I made that I now wish I could go back and change. This one is a biggy. Without proper support, you find yourself spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast.
Who should be part of the team? Let’s start with the clinician that does therapy with your child. If your child is not comfortable with this person they are not going to be able to help. We do need to give the clinician some time to develop rapport, but if they just seem to make your child angry, it is probably not going to work out. Not many people will open up to someone they do not like. Get involved with your local NAMI or any other support group for parents. This is a good place to get recommendations if you have not found the right therapist. You will also need a good rapport with your child’s therapist. You want somebody that does not push you out but invites you in and encourages a healthy relationship between you and your child.
I was never one to believe the whole “It takes a village thing.” But now I am a true believer. When you have a child who is struggling with mental illness you need all the support that you can get. Make a list of people in your life that you and your child trust. Then list them from how accessible they are to you. Do they live next door or two states away. This will determine what type of support they can provide. Looking through your list, who is able to keep your child overnight? Who is able to watch him for a couple of hours? Who is available for coffee (yes this is important). Who is willing to just spend time with your child and help him to know that he is awesome? Once you have listed these people out. I want you to ask your child what information they are comfortable with you sharing. It is important to remember that this is a very personal subject. Although it is your story too, it is not yours alone. For anything he does not want you to share, you should have your own therapist that can help support you in this area. When you have worked out how much can be shared, you can call each of these people and ask for their help. You will explain what you hope they will be able to help you with so that everyone is on the same page.
You will hear a lot about self-care. You may not feel like you have the time. If you utilize your team, they can provide you with the time and opportunity. You cannot pour from an empty cup, put your mask on first etc… We can only give so much without replenishing ourselves. Take advantage of the support people willing to give you so that you can be the best support you can be for your child.
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Published by Parenting For Good Mental Health
Hello,
My name is Tricia. I am the proud mom of two amazing young men.
My youngest son was always a very energetic and highly reactive child. Life with him was often like a roller coaster ride. He had to work very hard to learn how to manage his emotions and behaviors. By the time he turned 10, he had learned to manage them fairly well. But one night while watching the movie The Mummy, his anxiety was triggered. Night after night, he just could not get the scary images out of his head. This went on for almost a year where he would cry in bed at night. Nothing we tried seemed to help. So we decided to take him to see a psychiatrist where he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, and bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately, the care and medications that he received from various professionals did not really help. By educating myself, I began to learn that there were many more options that had not been provided or suggested. I believe that had I had more information sooner; his care could have been better tailored to his needs. This was a very difficult time not only for my son but for our entire family. We had to develop new ways of interacting that did not cause fights over the littlest things. We had to learn the hard way what not to do in a crisis. My husband had to learn that you don’t have to have a reason to be depressed or anxious. Sometimes you just are. And that it is not helpful to say to a depressed person, that they have no reason to be depressed. Having never experienced these feelings himself, my husband really struggled with understanding these things. But now that he gets it, he wishes he would have understood sooner so he could have been more supportive to our son in the beginning.
Thankfully, our son has found his own way through the darkness. And he has developed some skills and tools for managing his mental illness. His path could have been easier and less painful for him had we known about these other options sooner.
As parents and caregivers we need to educate ourselves on their illnesses and the evidence based care options that are out there. We have a limited number of clinicians that treat children and teens, so we sometimes only get to see them once a month. What kind of impact do you think you could have on your child if you only saw him once a month? We need to bring as much to the table as possible. The clinicians can only work with the information they are given. The more you can tell them the better they will be able to tailor your child’s care to his needs. We also need to know how to be the parents our child needs because what works for other kids does not always work for ours.
I would like to help educate others so that their path to recovery might be made shorter. There is a lot of support out there, but sometimes we do not hear about it. NAMI is the first support that I will recommend.
NAMI the National Alliance on Mental Illness is the largest grassroots mental health organization in America. Through NAMI you will find support and education that can help you to better facilitate the care your child needs. https://www.nami.org/
View all posts by Parenting For Good Mental Health
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In what way? Finding people you can trust?
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