Has your child been diagnosed with a mental illness? This can be a very uncertain time for many of us. We question whether it is the right diagnoses and should we allow them to be given medication. But the biggest question of all is what did we do wrong?
As mentioned in a previous post, mental illness can and sometimes is triggered by adverse events. For many of us though there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it from emerging. For those of you that are unaware, mental illness has a genetic component. This basically means your child came into the world with the genetic possibility of a mental illness developing. Sometimes this is triggered by adverse events and sometimes a random event that the mind perceived as traumatic. For my son, the traumatic event was watching the Mummy when he was 10 years old.
It is important that you begin to educate yourself on not only your child’s current diagnoses but also other diagnoses. As you learn more and more, you will be able to bring more to the conversation with doctors and clinicians. You can say “Hey, I don’t really see this, but I do see this). These professionals have a very small amount of time with your child, so it is up to you learn and let them know what you see at home or hear from the school. Educating yourself also helps you to know which questions to ask. Also, say the doctor/clinician is asking you a question but you perceive the question differently than it was meant, you might say your child doesn’t exhibit a symptom that he actually does. This can be the difference between accurate diagnoses and an inaccurate one.
It is also important for your child to be educated, age appropriately, on his/her diagnoses. This will help your child to know why they are feeling and behaving the way they are. Many children with mental illness believe they are bad because they may struggle with behavior out of their control. If they can see that this behavior stems from an illness and not a character flaw, this can begin the process of rebuilding their self-worth. Children want to do well. They want to please us, but when they can’t, sometimes they give up. So let them know that this is something you will work together on so that they can be more successful. They are not incapable; they just need additional support to build up these skills. This doesn’t mean that they are not held accountable but that we meet them where they are and help them learn the needed skill.
Please let me know in the comments section your thoughts on the information provided. Let me know hat was helpful and what’s wasn’t so that I can better provide support and education to all of you. Also, feel free to share what has been helpful for you along the way.
Below you will find some links to some very informative resources.
https://www.samhsa.gov/
https://www.nami.org/
https://childmind.org/
http://themommyview.viewsfromastepstool.com/index.php/2016/07/06/saying-calm-down-doesnt-actually-work
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Published by Parenting For Good Mental Health
Hello,
My name is Tricia. I am the proud mom of two amazing young men.
My youngest son was always a very energetic and highly reactive child. Life with him was often like a roller coaster ride. He had to work very hard to learn how to manage his emotions and behaviors. By the time he turned 10, he had learned to manage them fairly well. But one night while watching the movie The Mummy, his anxiety was triggered. Night after night, he just could not get the scary images out of his head. This went on for almost a year where he would cry in bed at night. Nothing we tried seemed to help. So we decided to take him to see a psychiatrist where he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, and bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately, the care and medications that he received from various professionals did not really help. By educating myself, I began to learn that there were many more options that had not been provided or suggested. I believe that had I had more information sooner; his care could have been better tailored to his needs. This was a very difficult time not only for my son but for our entire family. We had to develop new ways of interacting that did not cause fights over the littlest things. We had to learn the hard way what not to do in a crisis. My husband had to learn that you don’t have to have a reason to be depressed or anxious. Sometimes you just are. And that it is not helpful to say to a depressed person, that they have no reason to be depressed. Having never experienced these feelings himself, my husband really struggled with understanding these things. But now that he gets it, he wishes he would have understood sooner so he could have been more supportive to our son in the beginning.
Thankfully, our son has found his own way through the darkness. And he has developed some skills and tools for managing his mental illness. His path could have been easier and less painful for him had we known about these other options sooner.
As parents and caregivers we need to educate ourselves on their illnesses and the evidence based care options that are out there. We have a limited number of clinicians that treat children and teens, so we sometimes only get to see them once a month. What kind of impact do you think you could have on your child if you only saw him once a month? We need to bring as much to the table as possible. The clinicians can only work with the information they are given. The more you can tell them the better they will be able to tailor your child’s care to his needs. We also need to know how to be the parents our child needs because what works for other kids does not always work for ours.
I would like to help educate others so that their path to recovery might be made shorter. There is a lot of support out there, but sometimes we do not hear about it. NAMI is the first support that I will recommend.
NAMI the National Alliance on Mental Illness is the largest grassroots mental health organization in America. Through NAMI you will find support and education that can help you to better facilitate the care your child needs. https://www.nami.org/
View all posts by Parenting For Good Mental Health