After reading a blog on Adverse Childhood Experiences (https://weneedtotalkaboutchildrensmentalhealth.wordpress.com/2017/10/30/the-adverse-childhood-experiences-evidence-base-a-wake-up-call-to-radically-redesign-childrens-mental-health-services/),
I felt the need to clarify that not all behavioral problems stem from a mental illness. There are situations where life circumstance whether under our control or not can cause symptoms of a mental illness but actually may be a reaction to their environment.
For me, I believe that either way there are changes in our parenting approaches and environments that are going to need to take place. Children with a mental illness like bipolar disorder may not respond the same way to typical parenting practices as another child without a mental illness might. They also need additional support emotionally. They need our help in building up their resiliency and problem-solving skills. We need to meet them where they are not where we think they should be. They need for us to push them to do the uncomfortable but not expect them to do what is unbearable.
These changes take patience and resiliency on our part as parents. So if life is chaotic either due to the nature of the life we lead or due to our child’s struggles, it is our job to get the support we need to make life smoother for us and them. We cannot expect all the work to be done by our children whose brains will not even be fully developed until their mid twenty’s. So we cannot expect them to understand the importance of change without us teaching and modeling it for them.
So through this blog, I will try to provide information on mental illness and on ways of best supporting our children along this difficult road. Because whether your child has a mental illness or not, they are a hurting child that needs our help, support, understanding, and patience.
My goal here is not to make anyone feel guilty. Too much guilt will just weigh you down. And it is important to remember you cannot have known what no one has ever taught you. We are human and learning as we go. That being said even if the environment you are in is to blame, don’t get weighed down by guilt bolster yourself and take the first step toward change.
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Published by Parenting For Good Mental Health
Hello,
My name is Tricia. I am the proud mom of two amazing young men.
My youngest son was always a very energetic and highly reactive child. Life with him was often like a roller coaster ride. He had to work very hard to learn how to manage his emotions and behaviors. By the time he turned 10, he had learned to manage them fairly well. But one night while watching the movie The Mummy, his anxiety was triggered. Night after night, he just could not get the scary images out of his head. This went on for almost a year where he would cry in bed at night. Nothing we tried seemed to help. So we decided to take him to see a psychiatrist where he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, and bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately, the care and medications that he received from various professionals did not really help. By educating myself, I began to learn that there were many more options that had not been provided or suggested. I believe that had I had more information sooner; his care could have been better tailored to his needs. This was a very difficult time not only for my son but for our entire family. We had to develop new ways of interacting that did not cause fights over the littlest things. We had to learn the hard way what not to do in a crisis. My husband had to learn that you don’t have to have a reason to be depressed or anxious. Sometimes you just are. And that it is not helpful to say to a depressed person, that they have no reason to be depressed. Having never experienced these feelings himself, my husband really struggled with understanding these things. But now that he gets it, he wishes he would have understood sooner so he could have been more supportive to our son in the beginning.
Thankfully, our son has found his own way through the darkness. And he has developed some skills and tools for managing his mental illness. His path could have been easier and less painful for him had we known about these other options sooner.
As parents and caregivers we need to educate ourselves on their illnesses and the evidence based care options that are out there. We have a limited number of clinicians that treat children and teens, so we sometimes only get to see them once a month. What kind of impact do you think you could have on your child if you only saw him once a month? We need to bring as much to the table as possible. The clinicians can only work with the information they are given. The more you can tell them the better they will be able to tailor your child’s care to his needs. We also need to know how to be the parents our child needs because what works for other kids does not always work for ours.
I would like to help educate others so that their path to recovery might be made shorter. There is a lot of support out there, but sometimes we do not hear about it. NAMI is the first support that I will recommend.
NAMI the National Alliance on Mental Illness is the largest grassroots mental health organization in America. Through NAMI you will find support and education that can help you to better facilitate the care your child needs. https://www.nami.org/
View all posts by Parenting For Good Mental Health
Thank you for this. We need to meet our children where they are sums up entirely what I am trying to say.
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