People who self-harm often run into some pretty strong reactions. Some people seem to think it is okay to give a look of disgust after noticing the tell-tale markings. They also completely change the way that they treat that person, like their self-harm has anything to do with whether they are a good person or not. I am here to say that it has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with what type of person they are. And furthermore, it has nothing to do with you. This is entirely a personal battle being waged because of such internal pain that they are trying to escape it by creating external pain.
I beg you to understand that someone who can inflict that kind of pain on themselves is in crisis. Think of the amount of inner pain that it would take for that kind of outer pain to feel like a release. If you cannot even imagine it, you should count yourself blessed not superior. Stop heaping salt into their wounds with you disgusted looks and stop grinding it down with your hurtful disregard.
That type of behavior toward another person should be unacceptable!
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Published by Parenting For Good Mental Health
Hello,
My name is Tricia. I am the proud mom of two amazing young men.
My youngest son was always a very energetic and highly reactive child. Life with him was often like a roller coaster ride. He had to work very hard to learn how to manage his emotions and behaviors. By the time he turned 10, he had learned to manage them fairly well. But one night while watching the movie The Mummy, his anxiety was triggered. Night after night, he just could not get the scary images out of his head. This went on for almost a year where he would cry in bed at night. Nothing we tried seemed to help. So we decided to take him to see a psychiatrist where he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, and bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately, the care and medications that he received from various professionals did not really help. By educating myself, I began to learn that there were many more options that had not been provided or suggested. I believe that had I had more information sooner; his care could have been better tailored to his needs. This was a very difficult time not only for my son but for our entire family. We had to develop new ways of interacting that did not cause fights over the littlest things. We had to learn the hard way what not to do in a crisis. My husband had to learn that you don’t have to have a reason to be depressed or anxious. Sometimes you just are. And that it is not helpful to say to a depressed person, that they have no reason to be depressed. Having never experienced these feelings himself, my husband really struggled with understanding these things. But now that he gets it, he wishes he would have understood sooner so he could have been more supportive to our son in the beginning.
Thankfully, our son has found his own way through the darkness. And he has developed some skills and tools for managing his mental illness. His path could have been easier and less painful for him had we known about these other options sooner.
As parents and caregivers we need to educate ourselves on their illnesses and the evidence based care options that are out there. We have a limited number of clinicians that treat children and teens, so we sometimes only get to see them once a month. What kind of impact do you think you could have on your child if you only saw him once a month? We need to bring as much to the table as possible. The clinicians can only work with the information they are given. The more you can tell them the better they will be able to tailor your child’s care to his needs. We also need to know how to be the parents our child needs because what works for other kids does not always work for ours.
I would like to help educate others so that their path to recovery might be made shorter. There is a lot of support out there, but sometimes we do not hear about it. NAMI is the first support that I will recommend.
NAMI the National Alliance on Mental Illness is the largest grassroots mental health organization in America. Through NAMI you will find support and education that can help you to better facilitate the care your child needs. https://www.nami.org/
View all posts by Parenting For Good Mental Health
I honestly see self harm in a totally different light. I used to think people did it for attention. And I probably said things like, “you shouldn’t do that,” thinking I was being helpful. In the past couple years, I’ve seen the other side. And I’m so sad that most people have no clue. If people knew what it’s really like, they’d respond totally differently.
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I think many people believe that it is for attention. I hope this helps she’d some light. Thanks Teah
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